Haunted
by martiansarepeopletoo
Summary: Katniss has a long think in bed, after Peeta attacks her in Mockingjay. Songfic to Taylor Swift's Haunted. Oneshot.


Set during Mockingjay, after Peeta has been hijacked. The song is Taylor Swift's 'Haunted', which I thought worked really well with the plot. Hope you like it!

I close my eyes. All my visitors have returned to their Compartments, and I am finally alone with my thoughts. I have been dreading this moment all day.

…_You and I walk a fragile line, I have known it all this time,_

_But I never thought I'd live to see it break…_

All I can see behind my eyelids is Peeta's face, frozen in a mask of complete and utter hatred.

…_It's getting dark and it's oh so quiet and I can't trust anything now,_

_And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake…_

I know what's happened to him, I am aware that it isn't him that thinks about me as evil, it's the him that the Capitol has put in his head. I understand all that. But I still can't help hating myself for everything he's accused me of.

…_Oh, I'm holding my breath, won't lose you again,_

_Something's made your eyes go cold…_

And I can't help hating myself for leaving the arena without him. For not putting up a better fight, for not threatening suicide or something similar. Surely, that would have been better than letting Peeta go through the horrors I know he must have done. Now, I can picture his torture in the Capitol, his agonized screams ripping through me. I can't help twisting in fear, guilt pulsing through my veins. And the only other thing I can concentrate on is: Why wasn't it me?

…_Come on, come one, don't leave me like this,_

_I thought I had you figured out,_

_Something's gone terribly wrong,_

_You're all I wanted…_

I deserved it, and still deserve it, so much more than Peeta. All he has ever done is try to protect me, since the first Hunger Games. Haymitch as much as told me that he'd planned to die in the first arena rather than face me from the very beginning. From the second he was reaped, to the second they injected him with tracker jacker venom, all he's ever done is try to save me. And this is how I repay him.

…_Come on, come on, don't leave me like this,_

_I thought I had you figured out,_

_Can't breathe whenever you're gone,_

_Can't turn back, now I'm haunted…_

I squeeze my eyes tighter, and wish more than I've ever wished for anything that somehow I can go back in time and replace Peeta in the arena. Of course, it doesn't work, but I am so desperate anything's worth a shot.

…_Stood there and watched you walk away, from everything we had,_

_But I still mean every word I say to you…_

And now I'm thinking of Gale, and how much he wants Peeta to get better just to see me smile again. Gale and Peeta. It always seems to be a choice between the two of them, an agonizingly painful choice that I still haven't managed to conclude. Although, though I would never tell either of them, at the moment it seems to be leaning more to one side than the other. Maybe it's just the shock of him being taken away so suddenly, or the fear that he might never come back properly again, but I have a feeling I know how the choice will end up.

…_He will try to take away my pain, and he just might make me smile,_

_But the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead…_

And I know, as the morphling that they put me on finally starts to take effect, that I might just be letting down my many barriers to one of them. Because he has never done anything but deserve it, and because I can't bear to let him go, and because he never doubted me for one second. Until now.

And maybe, just maybe, the reason I can't bear to let him go is because I love him.

… _Come on, come one, don't leave me like this,_

_I thought I had you figured out,_

_Something's gone terribly wrong,_

_Won't finish what you started,_

_Come on, come on, don't leave me like this,_

_I thought I had you figured out,_

_Can't breathe whenever you're gone,_

_Can't turn back, now I'm haunted,_

_You and I walk a fragile line,_

_I have known it all this time,_

_Never ever thought I'd see it break,_

_Never thought I'd see it…_

**So, loved it? Hated it? Either way, please review, I want to know what you thought! No flames please :)**

**Iliketotastetherainbow x**


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